Parodies From RazorLand
by Hearnian1
Summary: A probably will be long parody of Sweeney Todd. Rated T for mainly death, etc.
1. Chapter 1 You Get Your Big Solo Later

**A/N: **Hello everybody, this is probably my first uploaded story, but not my first written. I know lots of people have Sweeney Todd parodies, like 'Parodies Of A Songing Nature' which I love! But I really wanted to write my own, and who knows? Maybe George Hearn will be in it. +Plus+ I have no idea how many chapters this story will have. Don't forget to review if you want more! Oh, and this is based on both the play and the movie, remember that.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Sweeney Todd. Just this story.

Singing will be in _italics _and talking will always be in normal text. (maybe underlined if emphisised...)

**Parodies From Razor-Land**

**Chapter One – You Get Your Big Solo Later**

Anthony: _I have sailed the world, beheld it's wonders. From the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru, but there's no place like London, I feel home again..._

Sweeney: You "feel home again"? I AM home, where do you live anyways?

Anthony: _I could hear the city bells ring... Whatever would I do?_

Sweeney: What does that even mean? I'm going to interrupt your song anyway!

Anthony: _No there's..._

Sweeney: _No place like London._

Anthony: Mr Todd, sir? (angrily) You ruined my big solo!

Sweeney: Don't worry, you get your big solo later.

Anthony: Okay then, Mr Todd.

Sweeney: Why do you keep calling me 'Mr Todd'?

Anthony: (obvious face) Because that's your name.

Sweeney: (shifty eyes) Right...that's my name. 'Tis here we go our separate ways, farewell Anthony, I won't soon forget the good ship 'Mackerel' or the good man who saved my life.

Anthony: (whispering in Sweeney's ear) It's 'Bountiful', not 'Mackerel'.

Sweeney: Really? Oh well, what's said is said.

Beggar woman: Alms, alms, for a miserable woman! On a miserable chilly morning...

Sweeney: Hey, you look like my totally alive-and-sane wife. But she's totally alive-and-sane, so you can't be her.

Anthony: (gives her money) I know here you're supposed to start singing nonsense and I get creeped out and back away, but you're not...so I'm cool.

Beggar woman: (walking away) Alms, alms, I don't now why I'm singing since no one can see me now anyway... but I'll be baaaaaaack, I'm important.

Anthony: Weirdo.

Sweeney: _There was a barber and his wife, and she was beautiful. _

Anthony: Ooh, beautiful wife-Hey... but why are you calling some barber's wife beautiful? He's gonna sue you!

Sweeney: SHUT UP ANTHONY AND LET ME FINISH MY TOTALLY-SAD-SONG-ABOUT-THIS-TOTALLY-BEAUTIFUL-WOMAN-THAT-I-OBVIOUSLY-DON'T-KNOW!

Anthony: Geez, dude. Take a chill-pill!

Sweeney: Why? Are you trying to drug me?

Anthony: (facepalm) ...

Sweeney:_ A foolish barber and his wife, she was his reason and his life, and she was beautiful..._

Anthony: (disgusted)Ugh, you're calling him foolish AND calling his wife beautiful what...

Sweeney: (evil glare)

Anthony: Me. Shut up now.

Sweeney: _...and she was virtuous, and he was...naive... There was another man who saw that she was beautiful..._

Anthony: (in his mind) Wow. Mr Todd's got some serious issues.

Sweeney: _...a pious vulture of the law, who with a gesture of his claw, removed the barber from his plate..._

Anthony: Oooh Mr Todd, you like animals now? ME TOO! (Sweeney gives him an evil glare) Oh, I said that out loud.

Sweeney: ._..and there was nothing but to wait..._

Anthony: (quietly) But I don't want to wait, I like this barber-wife story...

Sweeney: _...and she would fall..._

Anthony: Ouch.

Sweeney: (ignoring) _...so soft, so young, so lost, and oh, so, beautiful!_

Anthony: So she's a nice new pillow that's gone missing!

Sweeney: Oh, that was many years ago... I doubt if anyone would know...

Anthony: Okay... did I get that right?

Sweeney: You were supposed to say something about her succumbing!

Anthony: But I didn't, why did you reply as if I did?

Sweeney: Because I was expecting you to, plus, I wasn't listening to you.

Anthony: Then how would you know when...

Sweeney: ...now leave me Anthony, I beg of you, there's somewhere I must go, something I must do now, and ...alone.

Anthony: Why alone? Everything's better with friends! (My Little Pony theme music) Where do you live?

Sweeney: Fleet Street, I wouldn't wonder.

Anthony: Well, I was gonna buy that... but since you got it first, I'll have Kings Cross station instead... (looks through Monopoly property-cards from his pocket) Here you go! (hands the 'Fleet Street' card to Sweeney).

Sweeney: Okay... (backs off)

**A/N: **Okaaaay that seemed quite long. BUT if you want the next chapter, you need to review! Chapter Two is the Worst Pies In London and Mrs Lovett acts strange around Sweeney, tempting isn't it...? So You. Review. Now.


	2. Chapter 2 Can't Pass Gas Often

**A/N: **Well, here it is! The next chapter of PFRL, hope you guys like it, and don't forget, it is based on mainly the musical, but a few characters are based off of the movie, for every one of my PFRL parodies, so remember that. And I don't think this one is that good, but don't forget to review and tell me what you think! (: D) Oh, and this chapter is kind-of dedicated to smoothmovebro who texted me while I was writing this (I just felt like dedicating it to someone).

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Sweeney Todd. I would like to own Sweeney Todd, but I don't.

Singing is in _italics. _Talking will always be normal. (underlined for emphasis)

**Parodies From Razor-Land**

**Chapter Two – Can't Pass Gas Often?**

Nellie: A customer! _Wait what's your rush? Where's your hurry?..._

Sweeney: Uhm... I don't have a hurry, but now that you mention it, I should hurry out of here.

Nellie: ..._You gave me such a fright, I thought you was a ghost!..._

Sweeney: Ugh, not trying to be a grammar-nazi...but it's "were".

Nellie: ..._Half a minute, can't you sit? Sit you down. Sit!..._

Sweeney: Alright! I'm sitting.

Nellie: ..._All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks..._

Sweeney: (under breath) I wonder why(?)

Nellie: ..._Did you come here for a pie, sir?..._

Sweeney: Even if I didn't, you'd probably give me one anyway.

Nellie: True... ..._Do forgive me if me head's a little vague. What was that? And you think we had the plague..._

Sweeney: I thought you did have the plague.

Nellie: ..._From the way that people, keep avoiding. No you don't! Heaven knows I try, sir. Ick! But there's no one comes in even to inhale. Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?..._

Sweeney: Actually, I'd like more than a drop.

Nellie: ..._Mind you, I can't hardly blame them! These are probably the worst pies in London! I know why no body cares to take them, I should know, I make them. But good, no! The worst pies in London..._

Sweeney: Shouldn't you be promoting your pies? Not driving people away with your creepy stories.

Nellie: But no one would watch that musical would they? Just let me finish this song, so we can get to the fun parts! ..._Even that's polite! The worst pies in London, If you doubt it, take a bite!__..._

Sweeney: ("this is disgusting" face) Agh! What do you put in this?

Nellie: It doesn't matter! It's what we put in after that's important.

Sweeney: What?

Nellie: (awkward face) ...uh... _...is that just disgusting? You have to concede it. It's nothing but crusting. Here drink this, you'll need it..._

Sweeney: Finally! I asked for the ale...like...a minute ago.

Nellie: _...the worst pies in London! And no wonder with the price of meat, what it is, when you get it. Never thought I'd live to see the day, men'd think it was a treat..._

Sweeney: I'm a man, and I don't think it's a treat...

Nellie: _...finding poor animals, wot are dying in the street. Mrs. Mooney has a pie-shop, does a business, but I noticed something weird, lately all her neighbours cats have disapeared._ _Have to hand it to her, wot I calls, enterprise, popping pussies into pies..._

Sweeney: I think I'd like her pies better than yours...

Nellie:_ ...wouldn't do in my shop..._

Sweeney: You should, it could do you good!

Nellie: _...just the thought of it's enough you make you sick, and I'm tellin' you them pussycats is quick... no denying times is hard, sir. Even harder than the worst pies in London, only lard and nothing more..._

Sweeney: So that's what you put in your pies!

Nellie: _...i__s that just revolting, all greasy and gritty? It looks like it's molting, and tastes like, well, pity a woman alone, with limited wind, and the worst pies in London! Ah, sir, times is hard, times is hard!_

Sweeney: That's what you've been saying for the past two minutes and twenty-three seconds! What's "limited wind" supposed to mean? Does that mean you can't pass gas often?

**A/N: **That seemed okay... Not as bad as I thought it would be! : -) Don't forget to review, if you want the next chapter!

And thanks to smoothmovebro for the first review!


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